Sonia Jolliffe Observation 21 September 2016

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Dear Sonia,

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Thank you for allowing me to observe your B-Block Humanities (ACC) class as they began their work toward writing a descriptive piece based on observation.  As I said after the class, I loved the activities and was heartened to see how many of the building blocks of good writing were put in place early in the freshman year.  The class was well run and sustained good energy throughout the period.  You showed that you had good rapport with your students and control over your lesson.  My comments here are meant to help you identify your strengths and to suggest areas for growth as you continue your professional development.

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After the class was split into two groups, your lesson was divided into three section: a review of comma splices and their solutions (10 minutes); an individual descriptive writing activity (25 minutes); and a group descriptive writing activity (10 minutes as individuals and 15 minutes as groups).  The group activity was not finished when the bell rung.  I am not sure if you had planned for the groups to finish their written part by the end of class, but I think the lesson and activity would have been tighter if they had finished.

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The review section was done very well, and as I told you, I had just done the same kind of review with my accelerated seniors.  The assessment you gave at the end of the review was also very good, emphasizing revision and proofreading over simple knowledge of the grammatical points.  My only suggestion here is to get every student engaged early.  Noah, Emily, and Nick dominated the class, and two students did not contribute at all until the group work.  Two others only spoke once.  Having watched these students in the group work, I could see that some struggled with confidence and some struggled with maturity, but it would be good if they knew the expectation was to find some way to show they are actively engaged.  Your lesson design allowed opportunities for even the most introverted to participate.

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The descriptive activity with Jimi Hendrix was the highlight of the lesson for me.  The student-generated text offered exceptional teaching moments, powerful phrases, and good energy.  As I reflected on the group activity that was to follow, I wondered what would happen if you added one more layer to this part of the lesson.  You had at least two overall impressions of him playing his guitar: one more loving and joyful, one more militant and intense.  You could have asked students to choose one and focus on only the details that build that impression.  They could have practiced the group writing skills with that task. Once they had both versions, you could have discussed observer bias with an eye toward their observation task that you explained at the end of class.  I would have been interested to see what someone like Emily might have done if they were asked to combine the two.  You briefly touched on the different motifs, but I would have loved to see them play with the competing versions.

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The group activity was also very good; despite not being finished, it did provide some good teaching moments.  I encourage you to take the time at the end of class, even if it means cutting the activity short, to debrief what you saw and/or get feedback as a way of coaching them to higher levels of performance.  For example, in listening to the boys, I heard them argue over the purpose of the description (help the girls find the picture, give a thorough description of the details, or paint a verbal image), how to accurately name where she was laying, and how to interpret an expression.  These aspects of purpose, audience, accuracy, and interpretation are all key aspects of descriptive writing.  You could have pulled on any one of them to help prepare them for the bigger task ahead.

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My main suggestion here is to clearly identify the purpose for the descriptive writing.  My best guess after having watched and listened to the lesson is that you wanted them to paint a verbal picture; as you said, “Describe it as if I were blind.”  In that case, the authentic task for a writer is to give the fullest, most vivid depiction possible.  Furthermore, I think you wanted more than a clinical description, as you lit up when students offered an interpretation of expression or gesture.  A possible tweak to this activity is to split the boys and girls into two teams each, having two teams describe the exact same picture and having the other groups act as the audience—listening to the description with their eyes closed (evaluating which description sounds fullest and most vivid) and then looking at the picture (evaluating which one is actually the most accurate and fullest).  As I mentioned at the end of class, descriptive writing for various audiences and for various purposes is a skill that should be repeated throughout a student’s four years here; to get them thinking about their choices early is important.  Your constant use of the words “intent” and “intentional” drove that point home.  I think changing this activity to incorporate audience awareness and intentionality will only enhance its effectiveness.

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Overall, Sonia, I really enjoyed this class and left with a new appreciation of the excellent foundation being laid in the Humanities program.  I’d love to see some of the student pieces from the observation activity.  I am interested to see not only how well they write but also what they thought was “worth recording” and “worth writing about.”  I wonder if they will choose subjects that are personally meaningful only or if they will consider subjects that will have meaning for a wider audience (e.g. peers, school, community).

Thanks again for the opportunity to get fired up over writing!